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Nobody enters or stays into a relationship saying “give me some more toxicity”. Toxic people come disguised as love. So if your friends are complaining or venting out, just listen. Try to understand.
“why aren’t you breaking up?” and "why haven't you moved on?" only lower their self-confidence, and make them feel helpless.
Because THEY KNOW.
They also see what you are seeing.
They just feel what you don’t feel.
Toxic relationships can be incredibly difficult to escape from, and it's important to remember that people in these situations are not weak. There are many reasons why people stay in toxic relationships, including fear of retaliation, feelings of shame or guilt, low self-esteem, financial dependence, and a belief that things will get better. They struggle not just to stay with their partner, but to keep up with their belief in love. Because sometimes, for some people, one person is the only love they ever feel, want, and need.
Additionally, toxic relationships often involve psychological manipulation and emotional abuse, which can make it difficult for a person to see the situation clearly and to feel empowered to leave. The abuser may also make promises to change, which can create false hope and make it even harder for the victim to leave.
Here are a few reasons for someone to stay in a toxic relationship:
Power imbalance: Toxic relationships often involve a power imbalance, with one partner having more control and influence over the other. This power dynamic can make it difficult for the victim to leave and assert their independence.
Trauma bonding: People in toxic relationships may also experience trauma bonding, where they feel an emotional attachment to the person who is hurting them. This can make it difficult to leave the relationship, even when it's clear that it's not healthy.
Lack of resources: Many people in toxic relationships may not have access to resources that would help them escape, such as financial independence, supportive friends and family, or safe housing.
Social stigma: The victim may also face social stigma or judgment if they seek help, which can make it difficult to reach out for support.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution to escaping a toxic relationship. It's important to avoid blaming the victim and to offer support and understanding. They are often in a difficult and vulnerable situation and need the help and support of their loved ones to get out of it.
If you wanna help someone struggling with toxic relationships, you should:
Listen to them actively: Let your friend express their feelings and thoughts about the relationship. Avoid judgment and simply listen.
Validate their emotions and experiences: Let them know that what they are going through is valid and understandable.
Be patient: Leaving a toxic relationship can be a slow and difficult process. Be patient and supportive, and don't pressure your friend to leave before they're ready.
Respect their decisions: It's important to respect your friend's decisions and choices, even if you don't agree with them. Your friend may need time to work through their feelings and make the right decisions for themselves.
Be a safe and supportive resource: Let your friend know that you're there for them, no matter what. Provide them with a safe and non-judgmental space to talk about their experiences.
Educate them: Help your friend understand what a healthy relationship looks like. Share information about toxic behaviours and the signs of an abusive relationship.
Encourage self-care and help them see their worth: Encourage your friend to focus on their own well-being and engage in activities that bring them joy and relaxation. Remind your friend of their strengths, qualities, and the positive aspects of their life. Help them see that they are deserving of love and respect in a relationship.
Offer practical support: Offer to help your friend with practical tasks such as finding a new place to live, getting a restraining order, or finding new friends and support groups.
Seek outside help: Encourage your friend to seek professional help, such as seeing a therapist, support group, or domestic violence advocate if needed.
Here are a few things to avoid when trying to help a friend in a toxic relationship:
Don't minimize their experiences: Don't dismiss or minimize the severity of your friend's experiences in the toxic relationship. It's important to validate their emotions and experiences.
Don't blame them: Don't blame your friend for the toxic behaviour of their partner. Remember that abuse and toxic behaviour are never the victim's fault.
Don't pressure them to leave: Don't pressure your friend to leave the relationship before they're ready. Leaving a toxic relationship can be a complicated and dangerous process, and your friend may need time to plan for their safety.
Don't judge them: Avoid judgment and criticism. Your friend may already be feeling ashamed or guilty about their experiences in the toxic relationship, and judgment from others can make the situation even worse.
Don't try to fix things on your own: Don't try to handle the situation on your own. Encourage your friend to seek professional help, such as seeing a therapist, a domestic violence advocate, or a support group.
Escaping a toxic relationship is a journey of self-awareness and growth. It can be a difficult and challenging process. Just trying is a huge step in the right direction. Learning to love and value themselves is a key aspect of this journey. People who have been in toxic relationships often struggle with low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness, and it's important to help them rebuild their self-confidence and to remind them of their inherent value and worth.
Growth takes time and patience, but with the right support and resources, anyone can overcome the challenges of a toxic relationship and come out stronger on the other side. So it's important to offer encouragement and to celebrate each step forward, no matter how small.
Keep growing. Keep detoxifying.
If you or anyone you know needs a set of ears to listen to you, support you, ease this struggle of dealing with a toxic relationship, and help you with greater self-awareness, join the Alter Ego community and get a group of friends you always wished you had.
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